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sleep is one of those past times that, if collectible, i would be at the swap meet every day with tons of knick-knacks to sell.  that being said, it tends to be a light sleep and probably an hour or so before i finally relinquish the subconscious to the conscious and therefore the darkness to the illumination of opening my eyelids, i hear almost everything.  that isn't to say that i necessarily identify the slams, clamors and bangs with exactitude and precision.

for example, as i was in the early dozings of the marine-layered morning that is so typical of san diego with its coolness that exudes a tranquility but is simply a ruse for the summer that is beset upon us, i kept hearing a repetitive sound (was it outside? inside?) of something strikingly similar to one sopping up a large puddle of water with a not-so-dry towel in the bathroom.  this could be a possibility at the place that i'm lodging at for the time being until shannon returns.  there are cats, dogs and people galore with baths and water typically utilized extensively.  perhaps one of the cats needed a flea bath and given the feline's natural abhorrence to water produced quite the mess for one of my roommates to then mop.

as i was ruminating half-awake on this possibility, the noise shifted direction and no longer did it seem to be coming from indoors.  it was a constant click, more refined now and discernible.  the night slumber was quickly fading, i knew it, but still i rustled with the sheets in an almost pretend sleep.  i had it: someone was pruning a bush or chopping a hedge.  snip. snip. snip.  with the clear slicing din of the shears immediately brought back memories of when i was still a pre-teen and was forced to mow the lawn every week. how i despised the notion of being out there.  getting sweaty and ruining my clothes.  the smell of the fumes from the lawn mower made me nauseous and well, i just didn't want to do it because my step-father told me that i had no choice.

along with the years going by and the color of the front door constantly being repainted (as my mother loved to change colors more often than a chameleon would), i began to get used to doing the lawn.  in fact, by the time that i left the house for greater evangelistic ops in brooklyn at 19, i was looking forward to getting out in the slightly overgrown blades of grass and even though we had a riding mower for the half-acre, i insisted on mowing everything with the pusher.  the straight lines and precision did something for me.  like a golf course.  the trimming of hedges and maintenance of the grounds was something pleasurable now.  perhaps the psychosis was setting in and the obsessive-compulsive behavior was unavoidable especially in a household where everything had to at least look perfect.

it made me think as i opened my eyes that i would like to have some type of garden or yard to take care of.  will it be possible to have such a thing in london? or is that still only available to aristocracy or simply be knighted - which doesn't appear to have the equality to the prior any longer.

the sounds are gone now and all i hear are the endless pecks of the keyboard and the nagging voice inside telling me to get up...i have flowers to pick for the wedding to be with renee in a couple of hours.

i normally wouldn't do this kind of thing - as the song goes.  but, i've not really done a gay pride properly, whatever that means...and from the party binge that took place...not sure when it will occur again.  but in the end, there were some laughs and hopefully some worthwhile photos taken.

i hadn't heard from him in almost 24 hours by the time that i finally called him.  i had received an email earlier stating that he was on his last train ride to bologna to present his thesis to the committee and hopefully finish his degree once and for all.  like me, it had been a rather grueling and lengthy expansion of time to the finish.  but the turtle does win the race.

when i finally did get him on the phone he was engulfed in a cacophony of sounds, glasses clinking and voices competing for an ever higher pitched laughter. 

"i'm done," he said.  "i finished first in my class and now i'm here with my parents, aunt and sister getting drunk."

fair enough.  well deserved and i wanted to be there in order to celebrate the night away with him.  here are the pictures i took as he was reveling in his success.  god, i love that man.

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Taken by Niamh

i woke up very early yesterday because the initial thought was that i would be the first one on, first one off at work.  that is how it usually happens at our job and thoughts of heading back into a tide pool of soft, down comforters for an early afternoon nap were already sufficiently propelling me to crawl out of the above-mentioned sack of feathers and whiteness. 

of course, the proposed plan of events only occurs under slower restaurant conditions.  yesterday being the first official day of the legalization of gay marriage in california made it a day that not only kept me busy all day long but wakened any tiredness i felt with a reassured sense of hope and positivity in this sometimes less-than-optimistic gay rights issue that of late has been in the forefront of my priorities and waking moments.

it started with a couple of women who sat quietly in my section, full of grins and laughter.  with two roses and lots of paperwork, they volunteered their plans for the day: to the tailor to pick up the dresses and then to the courthouse for the ceremony and license.  they have been together for 16 years, have four children and are now adding diamonds to their ring collection.

after speaking with them for a few moments, i turned towards the door to find two large parties with particular men clad head-to-toe with typical wedding fare: the matching suits and ties, lapels budding roses.  my initial thought was that these guys were simply the groomsmen for an even larger wedding celebration.  but having just talked to the two women in my section, i knew that this entourage of vow-takers was not going to end any time soon.

after work concluded for the day, i had plans to go to jennifer's house to watch game six.  amidst endless shots made by the celtics to the demise of their opponents, we began to brew the initial lists and plans for the shotgun wedding that i will call my own, this august 11, 2008.  i wrote down guest lists and flower ideas, from cakes to cars.  all of this within a relative budget.  both boBo and i want to have a simple affair with a very intimate crowd of close friends and family.  but that being said, things must be organized and since he is still tirelessly finishing his thesis, i have volunteered (?) for the position.  with the help of my newly appointed wedding coordinator: jennifer mitchell.

first thing's first: the venue.  we both want it on the beach.  which one, however, remains to be debated and decided by us.  friday is our first option and jennifer, louis and i are heading out to the locations where boBo and i have briefly discussed via phone and email conversations.

received a phone call from jen today.  after calling parks and recreation, apparently there are only four locations in san diego that permit beach weddings.  well, at least that liberates us somewhat from yet another large decision.  the guest list is hard enough.

in full swing now - back in the old but at the same time new surroundings.  sometimes i find myself making motions at work that replicate old behaviors that i did once upon a time.  like pouring a cup of coffee and reaching for a creamer that has since been relocated to another - more appropriate perhaps - location; or typing in an old number relating to my checkout which has been changed since i left.  why do i want to punch in a number into the credit card machine that i haven't used in i don't know how many occasions?

funny how the mind works.  like nostalgia.  something similar to a dense fog that slowly covers and engulfs the land.  a thought or incident gets triggered and soon other emotions, ideas, memories flood and take over the present.  perhaps with a feeling of satisfaction for what has been accomplished and forgetting the ever-present negative that is necessarily there as well.  perhaps this is a good thing.  history books are printed in the thousands based on this self-serving philosophy:  remember what is key for the benefit of self and possibly for the group.

 
i sat in old places tonight connected to old pads once inhabited.  once with boBo.  now with friends that date before him.  and my heart swells with sadness and contentment all together with a difficulty to decipher between the two.  i relatively watched the lakers & celtics game amongst conversations on anything that could possibly be imagined.  before i could keep up with the time, the fourth quarter was in its last seconds.  not surprisingly, this head-to-head will not finish any time soon.  all is good as the sitting and watching is the most enjoyable for me.  i could really give a fuck who's playing.  but that's me.  some people actually do.  a strange idea, but i'll give it to them.

game three was followed somehow with the tangent of re-viewing old xmas HH vidz that date back all the way to 2003?  watching them and doing the natural check of who is present and who is not: how fast the turnaround has been whether by choice or by other means.  perhaps even by death.  i saw friends and co-workers that i spent so much time with.  now they're busy in some other city doing their thing.  or maybe just at another job in san diego.  some have passed.  strange to watch images of people that were physically around that i have touched, kissed, held and laughed with now no longer around - not breathing life in anymore.   i sit here paused not knowing exactly what to write next except this.  i think about all that has been said to one another.  the painful things that have been expressed.  the loving confessions - maybe in a drunken bout or not (but regardless perhaps out of sincerity).  also how with such fluidity the moments have passed and it appears almost like the scratched disk that we watched these videos on: skipping and past tense.  comfortably snug but at the same time - done.

it's about to turn midnight here which means it's 9 A.M. in italy.  boBo should be arising and beginning yet another day of thesis processing.  the phone chats have been constant and my assurance of this life with him seems stronger now than ever before. 

i called the county clerk's office today and confirmed that we can actually get married here when he arrives in july/august even though he's not an american citizen.  we were going to wait until we were in the UK...but now that it is legal in california (albeit possibly temporarily), we decided to move on with our decision sooner.  and i'm not scared. 

i couldn't think of anything else i would want to do with my life.  never thought about getting married before.  really...it didn't seem like a fathomable option or one most desired.  but it's funny how perspective changes and priorities move around or simply get toppled by more pressing ones.  then again, i never thought that i would be able to love someone like i do him.  to be able to express it makes this opportunity that much more golden.

it has been a week and a day since i landed in these united states and to be cliche, i have hit the ground running.  apart from one day reprieve spent immediately sunning it up at ocean beach with tak and niamh, i have been working everyday (willingly) at the hash house.

it is set into motion now, these plans of ours that we have been discussing for months and months on end, and to begin to realize them is almost surreal.  

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boBo has already moved out of our place and is finishing up his position with his job.  soon he'll be working non-stop to finish his degree.

and i have found myself back into a somewhat familiar setting and at the same time oddly different.  buildings removed and taller, quasi-shiek replacements take up the same soil and cloud up the sky.  people that i have known have either passed through or passed away.  fashionable eateries of last season have been replaced with the latest trend in what is thought to be at the centre of everyone's palate.

i'm the first one to understand that nothing remains the same.  that is apparent with every movement i take forward on the perfectly aligned and evenly paved walkways that i am trekking on.  but i refuse to look at this as anything but positive, even when there are tears and a deep sense of loss felt in my gut with this awareness.

all of this is worth the end result.  and in the meantime, trying to enjoy every moment.  it's the biggest challenge yet conversely the easiest thing to do.  still ironing out the wrinkles on this part of the game.  more on that later.

i thought about the seasons today as i recall the invitation from ben and gary to see Juno with them last night.  how events and periods of the film are split into seasons.  it was only the other day when the heavy winds and strong rays of sun were drenching our vacationed bodies in ventotene.  then the coldness of the winter and being separated from boBo in parma and san diego.  followed now by a spring that has been schizophrenic yet blossoming into another eagerly anticipated warm spell.

and with this pleasantness around me, it is time for me to bid adieu.  not that i necessarily want to leave boBo, but larger plans are in store for us now and it only seems how the natural movement of events should proceed.  the apartment, as pleasant as it has been, will no longer be ours as of the 15th.  my position, again despite being a terrific experience, is gone for the time being.  but most importantly, i need to give boBo some time alone in order for him to complete his thesis.  something that i believe he will accomplish with much more exactitude once i am out from under his feet, so to speak.

i'm not going to wonder about the future and all the expectations that are in store for both of us together as well as apart.  i can only focus on the next word that i am deliberating to type on this text.  for now, that is all i can do.

after a lot of talk and contemplation, boBo and i have decided to get married.  or form a civil union, depending on where you happen to find yourself.  we began to deliberate on the idea over a year ago but it was not until budapest when we began to give it serious contemplation.  the deal is this: i cannot continue to be in the situation i am in right now: not exactly legal.  i have been for some parts, but for others: no.  many hopes have been placed on the chance to obtain a work visa of some sort...but to no successful avail.  but then again, i don't want to leave boBo.

boBo, on the other hand, would be the same as me if we were to go back to the united states on some relatively permanent situation.  and since neither country widely accepts gay unions then we have decided to seek other measures in order to be together without looking behind our backs or under the tables, so to speak.

all this to say that soon - although the dates are uncertain at this time - we are going to make an attempt at moving to london and form a civil union together.

it's strange.  the thought of leaving italy.  it's like i just arrived.  which i did in some respects.  but it will always be here.  but so will everything else.